Hi there,
So here we are.
You’ve delivered (hopefully with the help of competent people) a brand
new HUMAN BEING that makes the noise of a cat or a bagpipe being squeezed, poops the
colour of peas and vomits stale milk.
Your nether regions smart and ache, your breasts quadruple and feel
continually moist, your back might ache, piles have piled up courtesy of the
final push and then, from nowhere reality sets in.
Now this reality you’ve never experienced before (how could
you, you’re a new parent)! This reality follows the euphoria of holding your
baby for the first time and it creeps up slowly without you realising it’s
there.
The reality: OMG now I AM a parent!
OMG this miniature being with its spasmodic jerks and drool relies on
ME.
OMG am I going to do this right?
OMG I don’t know what the heck I’m doing!
It’s then that you realise that NOONE…..NOONE….NOONE told
you it was going to be like this! All those
women who called themselves family or friend conspired to keep you ignorant of
the reality, you wouldn’t (at that moment) have created if you knew it’d be
this bad!
The gorgeous thing looks through squinted eyes at you and
its only conversation is whining morse code that somehow you’re forced to learn
through trial and error (with the emphasis on error).
The gorgeous thing doesn’t care that you’re so tired you
haven’t the energy to wash let alone hoist a brush to your hair.
The gorgeous thing sleeps peacefully as you obsess whether
breathing is still evident.
The gorgeous thing relies on ME for its well being, its
survival, its happiness.
Then the biggest shock emerges from the creeping reality I
referred to earlier and slam dunks you with: OMG
OMG OMG OMG….
It’s now that you realise you face the most daunting
responsibility you’ll ever have. The
most IMPORTANT job you’ll ever do and there’s NO MANUAL and no TRAINING.
What was the point of all those books, those television
programmes, those magazines, those chats with the mid wife, the reassurance of
them all including friends and family and the lady next door with six snotty
nosed youngsters?
Suddenly despite all your supposed preparation you HAVE to
face the fact:
You still don’t have a CLUE what you’re doing. Most of the day is taken up with finding the
energy to prevent the word: USELESS from encroaching your mind. Then the crying starts. You can’t prevent it. Everything, but everything is conspiring to
open the door to the word you’re now too exhausted to fight….I’m useless and I
haven’t got a clue!
NOONE knows how you’ll feel (you’ve bagged your own unique
set of emotions)!
If you’re lucky enough to have someone (who’s experienced)
to help you, all of the above can be eased a little even though your thoughts
make you feel like you alone are the ONLY mother in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE feeling like you!
TRUTH?
Don’t believe it for
a minute!
The majority of new
mothers feel EXACTLY the SAME.
Why?
Because there’s NO manual, NO training and NO experience to
have prepared you. The fact that you
might feel out of your depth means you’ve recognised you have a lot to learn
and that’s a GOOD THING.
I took solace in knowing my poor son, chose me to be his
mother and accepted and loved me as I bungled through with the most important
intention: To love him and do the best I could.
PS: He’s 32 and lives
to tell the tale and I became sooooo brave I had baby No.2 AND baby No.3!!
LB xxx
LB xxx
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