Stuck in a rut?

STUCK IN A RUT?

Ever been in that place where it's ground hog day every day?  The days that seem to spread effortlessly into weeks and then months and maybe if we're really unfortunate, years.  I call this Ground Hog Treacle Land because I like to make up silly names. 

It's days when life feels like we’re walking through sticky treacle that even when the sugar surge comes pounding through our gut we wouldn’t dream of eating because we don’t have the energy to bend?

We know the days in Ground Hog Treacle Land when we look at people but we don’t really register them because their faces, even though we once liked them, are now part of the monotony, the endless boring monotony of an endlessly boring life.  These faces belong to people who once excited us because they were new, fresh and interesting and even though they don’t deserve it sometimes we snap at them and vent our suppressed feelings if they let us.   

Most of the time though it takes too much energy so we can’t be bothered and in any case we realise that some of them look like they’re in Ground Hog Treacle Land too, and like us, can barely smile any more.

The thing about Ground Hog Treacle Land is that it’s a place that gets so familiar that when or if our exhausted bored mind allows us to think beyond the drudgery, we realise we quite like it.  Somehow we’ve become so loyal to our boredom and dissatisfaction that we’d find the energy to justify it when an unwitting somebody highlights the fact that we don’t look happy.    

We like the fact that we’re functioning like programmed robots because most of the people we know are doing the same thing.  Some souls who live in Ground Hog Treacle Land still have the energy to plaster a fake smile and make pleasant noises but many more of us find the energy to cuss (even if in our head or under our breath) at everyone and everything that threatens the normality of our Land.  

We like the fact that there are so many inhabitants in Ground Hog Treacle Land and that we’re not alone as our bodies are transported to and from home, around the house, in our cars, on the street.  We gaze into the faces of all those others moaning about their lives and the sacrifices and unhappiness that have to be part of life.  Then one day (if we’re lucky) we realise we’re exhausted.  Truly and completely exhausted of the trudge.  The treacle is getting thicker and each step, unbearably hard.  We realise we’re well and truly stuck in Ground Hog Treacle Land and we realise we hate it.  Now you’d think the thought would have come hurtling to our mind before, but no…it’s only then when the exhaustion has made us ill, we’ve been faced with disaster, we’ve gone stir crazy or we’re gasping for breath that we realise we have no choice but to STOP and take stock.  And it’s then in glaring reality lit up with neon lights that we realise I’M FED UP! 

I’m fed up of the bloody treacle clinging to my feet that I can’t eat!  I’m fed up of rivalling K9.  I’m fed up of the drudgery that induced a very uncomfortable sleep even when I was awake.  I’m fed up being the same and conforming to a life that has no thrill, no spice, no excitement, no interest, no joy.  I’m fed up of the half-life that I willingly participated in because I thought Ground Hog Treacle Land was where I needed to be.   

So I STOP!   

Okay I can’t just leave the job, or the partner or the home or any other circumstance I find myself in, but I can WAKE UP, open my eyes and decide what I really want.  The me, the unique individual that I am gets the chance to decide if Ground Hog Treacle Land is where I want to be, is it what I really deserve and then I set about getting the courage to stay awake, hose down the bloody treacle so it can’t keep me stuck and make the life I really want even if it’s going to take some time.

Good-bye Ground Hog Treacle Land, I’m not stuck in a rut with you anymore!

LB    

www.lbbacchus.com

Killer admits Stephen Lawrence's murder

 

Gary Dobson admits his part in the killing of Stephen Lawrence!

Unquestionably Stephen Lawrence’s family and those connected to them have suffered greatly fighting for their rightful claim to justice!  Twenty long painful years unable to rest and find peace because justice was not done!  Twenty long years subjected to the flagrant denial of the truth!  Twenty long years maintaining the willpower to fight the system that would have preferred the matter gather dust like so many other unsolved crimes.

This very, very emotive case has continued to infiltrate the lives and consciousness of so many of us for all these years and will continue to do so even if and when full justice is done and all parties admit their part in this crime.  The horror of the Lawrence family to face the killing of their beautiful son and the agonizing insult to have his life and circumstances of his death disregarded, belittled and distorted by lies and injustice is a SHAME on our society. 

But is there hidden in this tragedy a message for us all?

 

Could it be that this shameful story has been kept alive so the rest of us are reminded to be vigilant that there are some people who actually believe they are superior to others.  That there are people who continue to hold the strings of power that can be manipulated to their own end.  That there people who believe peoples of different colour, culture, gender etc., are inferior are not worthy of consideration. 

From this has risen a star and that star continues to shine brightly even though (as is the case with all stars) it must surely blink from time to time.  Each blink I surmise allowing the inevitable need to face the pain, the torment, the anger. 

                                     Doreen Lawrence for me is that star.

I don’t know her personally but I thank her.   I thank her for keeping the light shining on what could have died so many years ago…The injustice and belittling of the significance of human life.  

                       This is a tiny tip at the top of the iceberg. 

There are many more injustices in our world that are happening RIGHT NOW as I type and as you read!   

                                We can do our bit to STOP it! 

                                                     How?

             By shining light on those who choose to harm others.  

The more stars that shine 

the less space there is for darkness to hide.

It’s NEVER too late!

LB xxx

www.lbbacchus.com 

Help I’m Pregnant-Now I’ve given birth!

Hi there,

So here we are.  You’ve delivered (hopefully with the help of competent people) a brand new HUMAN BEING that makes the noise of a cat or a bagpipe being squeezed, poops the colour of peas and vomits stale milk.  Your nether regions smart and ache, your breasts quadruple and feel continually moist, your back might ache, piles have piled up courtesy of the final push and then, from nowhere reality sets in.

Now this reality you’ve never experienced before (how could you, you’re a new parent)! This reality follows the euphoria of holding your baby for the first time and it creeps up slowly without you realising it’s there. 

The reality:      OMG  now I AM a parent! 

                        OMG this miniature being with its spasmodic jerks and drool relies on ME.

                        OMG am I going to do this right?

                        OMG I don’t know what the heck I’m doing!

It’s then that you realise that NOONE…..NOONE….NOONE told you it was going to be like this!  All those women who called themselves family or friend conspired to keep you ignorant of the reality, you wouldn’t (at that moment) have created if you knew it’d be this bad!

The gorgeous thing looks through squinted eyes at you and its only conversation is whining morse code that somehow you’re forced to learn through trial and error (with the emphasis on error). 

The gorgeous thing doesn’t care that you’re so tired you haven’t the energy to wash let alone hoist a brush to your hair. 

The gorgeous thing sleeps peacefully as you obsess whether breathing is still evident. 

The gorgeous thing relies on ME for its well being, its survival, its happiness. 

Then the biggest shock emerges from the creeping reality I referred to earlier and slam dunks you with:  OMG  OMG  OMG  OMG….

It’s now that you realise you face the most daunting responsibility you’ll ever have.  The most IMPORTANT job you’ll ever do and there’s NO MANUAL and no TRAINING. 

What was the point of all those books, those television programmes, those magazines, those chats with the mid wife, the reassurance of them all including friends and family and the lady next door with six snotty nosed youngsters?

Suddenly despite all your supposed preparation you HAVE to face the fact:

You still don’t have a CLUE what you’re doing.  Most of the day is taken up with finding the energy to prevent the word: USELESS from encroaching your mind.  Then the crying starts.  You can’t prevent it.  Everything, but everything is conspiring to open the door to the word you’re now too exhausted to fight….I’m useless and I haven’t got a clue!

NOONE knows how you’ll feel (you’ve bagged your own unique set of emotions)!

If you’re lucky enough to have someone (who’s experienced) to help you, all of the above can be eased a little even though your thoughts make you feel like you alone are the ONLY mother in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE  feeling like you!

TRUTH?

Don’t believe it for a minute!

The majority of new mothers feel EXACTLY the SAME.

Why?

Because there’s NO manual, NO training and NO experience to have prepared you.  The fact that you might feel out of your depth means you’ve recognised you have a lot to learn and that’s a GOOD THING. 

I took solace in knowing my poor son, chose me to be his mother and accepted and loved me as I bungled through with the most important intention: To love him and do the best I could. 

PS:  He’s 32 and lives to tell the tale and I became sooooo brave I had baby No.2 AND baby No.3!!

LB xxx                                     

www.lbbacchus.com

Children failing in Maths

Hot off the press is the news today that students who were in the top ten per cent in Maths in primary school under perform in Secondary School when compared to students in Australia, Scotland, Slovenia and Norway. The 2009 Programme for International Student  Assessment (PSA) showed that overall pupils in English Schools came 28^th for maths out of five countries.  The Institute of Education also states that the highest achieving students appeared to make less progress relative to their overseas peers particularly those in East Asian countries between the ages of 10 and 16. 

It cannot be argued that the current Government’s emphasis on raising standards and implementing changes to achieve this, is commendable.  However, having taught in the Primary and Secondary Sectors (Independent and Public) I conclude that what is MOST worrying is the clear cultural shift in how education is valued across the board.  Now whilst this is a generalised statement as my experience is based in London only, it’s NOT a shift that’s just occurred and the evidence appears the same in many other areas in the UK (particularly urban areas).  This decline, which I’ve witnessed first hand has been seeping into our culture for over thirty years. 

Many students in our Schools are disenchanted with a system that values success statistics over individual nurturing and motivation.  Many students in our Schools lack confidence.  Many students in our Schools (particularly in the Secondary Sector) believe that education is no longer the key to their success so the temptation of celebrity and beauty, reliance on the State System or crime becomes more attractive and appealing. 

 

We MUST BE WORRIED when groups of failing students make the statement:  

                             “What’s the point?”

There is clearly no one answer to such a complex subject but I'd suggest we're being asked to look more closely at what we perceive to be not only the failing students, but the failing teachers, the failing graduates, the failing business owners, the failing parents, the failing governments, the failing economy…..the failing…..the failing.....

Maybe the first step is to understand who or what might be causing the underlying problem.  I suggest this because we might be successful in fast tracking a small portion of our students to excel in maths and keep us up with international statistics but that still leaves us with the same problem that’s been incubating and is now fully fledged in our culture.   

What about the rest who continue to fail and are still shouting:   

What’s the point!?   

These youngsters are now the future of our society and they CANNOT be ignored, even if we think they can.

Follow my blogs if you’d like to find out my suggestions or read my Power of Self book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00AYIJAEA to discover where you might stand. 

LB xxx

www.lbbacchus.com 

Help I'm Pregnant! -The First Baby Bump Scan

Hi, welcome back to the second blog in this series:  The First Baby Bump Scan.

Ok so we’ve survived the initial hormonal onslaught and changes.  The mammary glands have settled down or we’ve been so accustomed to the incessant ache and growth that we hardly notice, and then it’s time to attend the first scan filled with excitement or trepidation or both.

The excitement:     Ooooh I can’t wait to see MY baby!

The panic:              Is the baby still there? 

                               Is the baby ok?

                               What if the scan shows it has two heads and no limbs???!!!!

We wait in an overflowing waiting room shocked that the whole world seems to be having babies at the same time and then your name’s called incorrectly (unless of course you’re called Jane Smith). 

Undressed and donning the most unflattering piece of cloth the hospital tries to pretty up with flowers that lost their colour in millions of washes, we lie prostrate on the hardest padded bed trying not to rip the white paper.  The Sonographer then applies lashings of freezing jelly by squirting it onto the bump and an equally freezing monitor is pressed onto you (often far too hard for comfort) and voila….there it is…. baby in all its black and white, distorted glory. 

It’s now that we’re secretly grateful that the picture’s explained because the head could easily be mistaken to be the bum particularly when different sides are shown.   Then to put our worried minds at rest the heartbeat’s shown.  Now this thumping mass is beating so fast you’d think the baby had just done a Zumba dance class, which immediately causes panic again until eased by the words of the professional stating “It’s a healthy heart beat.”  Phew!

Armed with the black and white photo of the oversize headed, squashed limbed stranger with pouting lips we’re gripped with the reality that a real, live someone has taken official, unquestionable residence in our body and for most of us it feels goooood! 

This picture which if we’re really honest is virtually identical to the millions of other baby scan pictures somehow has an identity that only a parent and those closely connected to the parent can attest to.  

This is My Baby yet to be given its birth name as the first scan can’t usually detect the gender.  So baby My is forced into the faces of anyone who moves, yet stood or sat still enough to be subjected to the glory of the inside of our womb and we’re satisfied.  Now the evidence exists, we are parents.  It’s real!  We have the proof!  Baby My is there and we can’t wait to meet him or her, but for now baby My’s scan picture and the growing lump in your tummy will suffice.

Let’s meet again on the: I’m about to have the baby blog.

LB xxx

www.lbbacchus.com

HELP I'm pregnant!

If you know me BREATHE!!!....I’m NOT pregnant...now!!! A miracle hasn’t occurred (highly unlikely anyway as it would have to be another immaculate conception!)  Rest assured folks I remain WAY beyond the baby making stage as Melanie Menopause has been my pal for the last 6 years and she’s not gonna allow any pesky eggs to encroach her space!!!! 

This, is the first of a series of blogs which will track the journey of parenting from conception to the time when you're strumming your fingers on the dining room table as you face a fully grown adult who's making all the choices you hate, yet defiantly reminds you they're grown even though they still behave like they're two when the mood takes them.

This blog is:  YIPPEE I'm having a baby" and "OH NO, I'm having a baby!" (for those caught off guard, or those of us depressed at changing roles from free young thing, to responsible mature thing!)

Now I was lucky!!

Whilst not in the 'I can't wait to have a baby, dream camp' commencing as soon as puberty hit, I wasn't averse to welcoming a mini me/him into the world.  The thought of cute baby clothes, cuddly toys and the most gorgeous creature cooing up at me, was a thrill.  This delightful thing would bond me like glue to my husband as we shared our mutual self-satisfaction of creating another human being (hopefully in one of our images).  The bond that would grow with love and satisfaction at seeing our little miracle grow.  Oh the delight, the sheer bliss, the ecstasy...

Then the REALITY!!!!

REALITY 1

sick   nausea    sick    nausea    sick    nausea    sick   nausea    and more    sick!!!

It hits you like a silent Creeper from nowhere.  The Creeper's called the Creeper because you never know when it's coming.  It does however, have an irritating knack of coming at the most inappropriate times:  In a queue, on the bus, at work, in the middle of a conversation with the next door neighbour...ANYWHERE!  Some people call the Creeper, Morning Sickness!  They're WRONG...'cos mornings can stretch into the entire day and afternoon and night!  At this stage you become more familiar with the toilet bowl than with any other person you know, and if you're really, really sick, you prefer the toilet!

REALITY 2

Even if you’re lucky to stay stick thin, your raging, changing, hip-hopping hormones make you feel like you ate an elephant (vomit), look like an elephant (in your mind only) and your mammary glands become so painful you’d love to donate to someone else because you don’t want them!  And all of this from the get-go when baby is less than an inch big and looks like a mutant alien from a Science Fiction film.

REALITY 3

As if the metamorphosis from my body, to my body shared or stolen wasn’t enough there are the inevitable panics…..
Panic 1-Child birth pain!
Solution???...It's called: 'One born every minute' or any other child birth programme we can find!  This compulsion to watch keeps us glued to the screen to witness pregnant mums screaming and groaning because of the tremendous pain they can't stand.  The women cursing at their partner 'cos for once they can!  The emergencies where mum or baby nearly die!....That's what we need....A good dose of reality!

Panic 2-Will it be healthy?
Will the baby have the right number of toes and fingers?
Will it have a nose?!
Panic 3-Will I be a good parent?
Will I make enough money to live comfortably?
Will I want to leave baby and return to work?
Panic 4-Which school will he/she go to?
Which Uni?
Which area to live in?

Panic 5-Success
S'pose she can't sing and dance like Beyonce?
S'pose she can't squeeze into lycra like Kim Kardashian?
S'pose he won't make the Sport Squad?

And all of this from the get-go when baby is less than an inch big and looks like a mutant alien from a Science Fiction film.  Anything sound familiar?


Stay tuned for: Mothering-The first Baby Bump Scan.  The ride gets bumpier (pardon the pun)!

LB  xxx

 www.lbbacchus.com

Book writing for the novice. No. 2

TIPS ON HOW TO START WRITING A FICTIONAL STORY

Ok,

You have a great idea and you want to share it with the world, where do you begin?

Do you want to write free hand on a pad?

PRO:  You can write anywhere.

CON:  You have to transfer your work in typed form.

Do you want to use a word document on a computer?

PRO:  You can see your document in typed form.  You can edit, spell-check, delete etc. 

CON:  You could be encumbered if your typing skills aren't good.

Do you want to dictate into a Dictaphone?

PRO:  You can talk your own thoughts without interrupting your flow.

CON:  You still have to go back to the typing/editing stage.

Once you've decided on how you'll record your story, the next step is brainstorming (your own brain).  To do this, identify words or sentences that will remind you of salient points you might want to use.  At this stage don't worry about grammar/spelling and don't worry if you never use anything from your list because one thing's guaranteed, your story will evolve and change.  Go with the flow and allow your ideas to come without your interference.

What's the title of your book going to be?
Once you've decided, and again your title might change.  (Each of my books: Theft of Hearts, Scaredy Cat or Mountain Lion and The Secrets of Stress started life as other names.) 

Think of your book as a sandwich.  You have two slices of bread and the filler in the middle.

The top slice is the introduction of main characters and plots.  This is where you spread the butter (as thickly as you can) because from here the filler will sit comfortably!

The filler is the main focus of the story. (The main point of the book)

The bottom slice is the conclusion. (How the story ends-what happens to the main characters etc.)

Now the above is a simplification of a basic structure because within each category, new characters/settings/plots emerge and you'll discover that as the story develops.  You might also find that the beginning, middle and end merge a bit, but that doesn't matter provided the key elements are in place.

Here's a rough idea of how to develop your story.  (Remember at this stage, jot down words or notes to prompt you later.  Enjoy allowing your imagination to run free, you can gather it all together later.

Names of primary characters.

What they look like, their ages, ethnicity, temperament etc...

What will be the initial setting for your story?

Words to describe the setting

How will you introduce the first plot/issue/leader for the main story?

What will the main part be about

Other characters and any other sub-plots/issues etc.

Describe roughly

What's the ending going to be?

Sad, triumphant, cliff hanger etc...?

This preliminary stage to writing your story should help you to indentify your enthusiasm for the project and you might want to start writing your story straight away.  If you do, go for it!  If you don't let time be your friend.

My final tips are:

DON'T EXPECT PERFECTION because you're bound to be disappointed.

ENJOY the wonders of your imagination.  If you don't, who will!

BELIEVE you can create a wonderful story and you will no matter how long it takes!

ASSUME your readers will be aliens and won't know anything you're talking about, so describe, describe, describe.  Unless of course, you don't want to!

HAVE FUN!!!

LB xxx

www.lbbacchus.com 

It's scary being left all alone

Finding ourselves alone for whatever reason can be scary.   Many of us face this at some time in our lives.  Here’s my video take.  

Want to discover if you’re a Scaredy Cat or Mountain Lion?   

 https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00AYIJAEA

Words are Powerful

Hi,

Even though it happened nearly two months ago, news about the two Australian DJ’s whose prank call to the London Hospital where Kate Middleton was admitted, continues to hit the headlines.  The news now, that their radio show has been axed but they get to keep their jobs.

There appears to be moral indignation and disgust in some camps as to the culpability of these two people.   Whilst we ought not to underestimate the sad news that has suggested the nurse who took the call committed suicide as a result of a prank by the two DJ’s, the chance that this is the only reason, is possibly slim.  I surmise that to take one’s life is the last, desperate action of someone who has quite simply had enough.  To have had enough…would suggest that other challenges and difficulty may have been present and the person could take no more.

Now this is probably the last thing anyone directly involved in this tragic situation might want to hear but I suggest that the two DJ’s in question could gain some comfort from the knowledge that their prank and their use of words to distort the truth has served us all. 

If we care to think about it, many of us hand on heart have used words carelessly, hurtfully and also to distort the truth even if it’s the white lie we so often excuse ourselves for.  It appears clear that the DJ’s didn’t intend the reaction and consequence of their words, but that is as it is...There is a consequence for what we say and do.  This consequence affects every man and woman living on this planet whether the consequence is good, bad or indifferent. 

These incidents and use of words affect us all.

Most of us have been given the gift of speech to project our feelings and thoughts through the words we use to convey the latter.   We’re given different ways to project these words, the most common: 

Written and Spoken.

Now if we took a moment, we would understand the power of this.  

Words + written or oral projection = POWERFUL PROJECTED WORDS

My condolences go to the family of the nurse who must still be grieving and the DJ’s who will probably live with their mistake for a very long time.  For me, I give my thanks that I’ve been given the opportunity to remember to think carefully and project my words wisely but like the DJ’s the only snag is I’m a flawed human, but I’ll try!

Please read my blog: SUICIDE for my perspective on suicide.

LB xxx

www.lbbacchus.com 

Up in SMOKE!

 

Now this blog isn’t intended to be a lecture on the why you shouldn’t smoke…the illnesses smoking causes….the cost and the other host of reasons that bombard us, because like me, if you were or are a smoker, it just doesn’t help!  With the best intentions (and we make those frequently) put a drink in your hand at the local pub, meet up with friends, go on holiday and chill with your sangria or other favourite tipple, the best intentions fly out of the window like a gust of wind. 

Smoking = Chill out. 

Smoking = Time out…even if that time out has to be spent huddled in a corner of a dingy building or on the pavement freezing your nether regions off outside the night club or on the garden patio under a hoody trying to keep out of the rain. 

Smoking = The treat when things go right. 

Smoking = The comforter when things go wrong. 

Smoking is the cigarette buddy that keeps you company even if no-one's there.

Smoking is the alternative to that cream cake, so you can continue to fit into your jeans.

When you try to give up it’s just isn’t as easy as they say!

Chill out.  Me time.  Comforter. Weight Watcher.

These are powerful things that magnetise us to the cigarette buddy.  Without it what will you do with your hands?  What will you do when you’re standing outside the club watching your mates dragging on their cigarette buddy?  What would you do when you have that drink that reminds you your cigarette buddy isn’t there anymore?  What would you do when your other half has ticked you off , or your boss has sacked you or…or….or….?

Where will you get the WILL POWER that’s needed to say NO when your mate’s wafting a fag under your nose?

When you try to give up it’s just isn’t as easy as they say!

I was a smoker.  I smoked on average twenty cigarettes a day.  I haven’t smoked for 22 years.  I stress 22 years!! Now that might seem like a statement that I’m over the hill (and I am) or it could be taken that if I can do it (give up smoking) and keep to it for so long it MUST mean YOU CAN because one thing’s for sure I don’t have an exclusive brand of will power.  I have the same amount as you.  I just decided to USE IT.

I loved smoking BUT I decided that my children needed a mother and if I was diagnosed with an illness I’d brought on myself the torment of the illness let alone the illness itself would be unbearable.  

Now as statistics show children who have parents who smoke are highly likely to smoke themselves this fact shouldn’t be ignored.  I proved the statistic right as I’ve watched my children all become smokers and the story starts again….

BUT

My daughter now doesn’t smoke AT ALL after many, many attempts to kick the habit.  Whilst I make no personal claim for its success, she managed to become a non smoker by using Ciggys electronic cigarettes which I was told is an electronic vapour cigarette without the harmful chemicals of normal cigarettes.   I’ve got to say that watching my daughter puffing on her electronic cigarette in the house and on the plane and in the restaurant shocked me but she wanted to stop smoking and this was her method. 

She stopped buying real cigarettes and in less than a year she had kicked her habit completely - No more cigarettes real or fake!  Am I saying this is the way to do it?  The answer’s NO.  I gave up naturally using my choice and will power.  My daughter gave up using an electronic cigarette.  She's given me their website. http://www.ciggyselectroniccigarettes.co.uk/

One thing’s for sure, in my personal experience both ways have clearly worked.  Finally, one thing a cigarette smoker should remember:

Cigarettes can take you away (prematurely) from the people you love and who love you!

LB xxx

 www.lbbacchus.com