MEN ON PAUSE!

 

TAKING THE CRISIS OUT OF MIDLIFE!

The inevitable MIDLIFE stage?!   

What’s that you might ask if you're not there, or you're male or you're in D E N I A L?   

For those who fit the latter, I refer to the stage where (unless the surgeon or the needle has intervened) gravity heralds its triumphant victory and nature takes its unforgiving course.

The stage I refer to is heralded as follows:

·      The why can’t I squeeze into those jeans like I used to! 
·      The where did that enormous marshmallow tummy come 
       from! 
·      The yikes whose cellulite thighs are those! 

·      The ok I’m not overweight so whose loose skin is that!
·      The why isn’t that expensive shampoo making my hair shine 
        like a mirror!
·      The whilst we’re on the hair stage… where’s my hair, stage!
·      The why’s my skin looking like it’s covered in dandruff no matter how much moisturizer I’m
       slapping on at night!
·      The why are my nails getting ridges and not growing long!
·      Who turned up the sun!
·      The how many times am I going to wake up bathing in my own sweat!

Now as if that wasn’t enough, Ms Gravity shifts to the side to allow the entrance of Ms Mood.

Now if you’ve never met Ms Mood, I’ll share how she can be identified:

·      She comes at any time, day or night and never asks to be invited.
·      She often outstays her welcome but we can rarely tell her to get lost ‘cos she just won’t listen!
·      She likes to snap and will always share how wretched she feels even if it’s for a short time.  It
       seems to make her feel better somehow.
·      She’ll never explain anything logically because Ms Mood is in a mood so logic has crawled 
       under the floorboards to get away from her.
·      She has a radar that’s on constant alert for something that’s not right and she will with   
       complete certainty find it!

Ms Mood goes out from time to time and it’s at that point that Ms Emotional comes to keep you company.   You can spot Ms Emotional very quickly.

·      She starts crying whenever she can, as hard as she can and for whatever reason she can.
·      She constantly wants attention, hugs, kisses, bunches of roses, chocolates, diamonds, sports cars, 
       yachts….oh sorry I was running away with myself.
·      She creates wonderful, elaborate stories about things that have hurt and upset her even if it goes 
       back as far as when she was two.
·      She has a red face or a ‘please don’t speak to me face’ particularly when she’s with the public 
       because she’s super sensitive and on guard
·      Ms Sensitive will laugh because her guard’s down which of course means she’ll start   
       blubbering again ‘cos her guard’s down and something’s bound to upset her.
  

Ms Mood and Ms Sensitive are visitors and because they’re visitors they do leave.  Unfortunately Ms Gravity ‘aint going nowhere but she’s been tagging along for a while so you get used to her.

Now one curious thing’s come to me and that’s the name: MENOPAUSE…interesting…MEN-O-PAUSE…and it suddenly struck me that that’s what happens to so many of us.  Men are put on pause. 

MEN-O(N)-PAUSE.

We metaphorically click the switch in our head that represents: 

Don’t you DARE come anywhere near me ‘cos I’m crabby, sweaty and I want to thump Ms Gravity on her head and if you come within three feet of me, I’m gonna land you one and then I’ll invite Ms Sensitive and Ms Mood to move in permanently!

Men….you’ve been warned!

Young female…Welcome to your future.  LOL!

MID LIFE WOMEN...SMILE...It will pass!

LB xxx

www.lbbacchus.com